


i don't deserve you

by buckybarnesthehotshot



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Imagine, Bucky Barnes AU, Bucky Barnes Angst, Bucky Barnes Fanfic, Bucky barnes x reader - Freeform, F/M, Winter Soldier AU, avengers x reader - Freeform, avengers x y/n, avengers x you, bucky barnes imagine, bucky barnes x y/n - Freeform, bucky barnes x you - Freeform, winter soldier x reader - Freeform, winter soldier x y/n, winter soldier x you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:21:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26267149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckybarnesthehotshot/pseuds/buckybarnesthehotshot
Summary: summary: y/n and bucky are drifting apart and he’s about to find out why
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Kudos: 11





	i don't deserve you

**Author's Note:**

> based off a tumblr request i got

y/n was growing cold with him every passing day, it wasn’t that hard to recognize it. Sure, they’d slept in the same bed, but it just wasn’t like it used to be.

Back then, they’d cling onto each other for dear life whenever they would fall asleep. Now, y/n couldn’t even bring herself to face Bucky, occasionally even putting a pillow between them to keep him from draping his arm over her in his sleep.

Bucky knew he needed to do something to—at least—address the way she was acting with him. He tried to approach her at the compound, but every time he did, she always found an excuse to leave the room the moment he stepped foot in it.

He knew that as a SHIELD Agent working in the Avengers compound, she was a busy woman, but it killed Bucky whenever she would put off their plans because she had something to tend to at SHIELD. Sure, they were both busy people, but they used to always be able to make time for each other.

Why couldn’t they just go back to the way things were? Why couldn’t they go back to the honeymoon phase of their relationship? Why couldn’t they just live in the moment together like they used to?

Whatever happened to those times they would spend together during their free time from their jobs? What happened to those times they would just stand there, enjoying each other’s presence?

It’d been weeks since Bucky’s first attempt to talk to y/n failed. By that time, he’d memorized the speech he was going to give her to address their situation. No matter how much he tried to squeeze himself into y/n’s busy schedule, she wasn’t in the moment. She was distant; a shell of the woman he used to know.

It was late at night when y/n stumbled into their room, her h/c hair a mess, and the bags under her eyes more prominent than ever. As much as Bucky wanted to let her rest, he knew damn well he needed to talk to y/n and he needed to talk to her at that moment.

“Hey, can we talk?” Bucky questioned, patting the spot on the bed beside where he was seated. y/n sighed in response, sinking into the spot next to him.

“Buck, I’m tired, can we please just do this another time?” y/n sighed, falling backward onto the bed and letting her body sink into the soft plush mattress. Bucky huffed tiredly; it was the same old routine with y/n. What happened to those times they would lie in bed together laying in bed and talking about how their day went?

“No, y/n, I don’t think we can. I’ve been trying to talk to you for weeks but it’s like you’re never listening! y/n, I’ve tried to be patient with you and I know you’re always busy, but all I’m asking for is a bit of time!” Bucky exclaimed, his nostrils flaring. y/n, taken aback by Bucky’s words, rose from her spot on the bed, turned to face Bucky, and narrowed her eyes at him before sighing.

“Alright. What do you want to talk about?” y/n sighed, a weak smile on her face.

“Us, y/n! I want to talk about us! You’ve been so distant from me lately, am I supposed to be okay with that?” Bucky questioned, his arms raised in exasperation.

“Well, no, but—” y/n spoke, only to get interrupted by Bucky.

“Please, just tell me what’s wrong. Please, y/n, tell me what to do to make everything better and I will in a snap,” Bucky pleaded, his blue eyes piercing deep into y/n’s e/c eyes.

“Bucky, I wish I could explain where it all went wrong but—"

“Then at least try to explain it, y/n. Don’t you think you at least owe me that?” Bucky frowned, watching as a tear spilled from y/n’s eyes. He reached out, trying to wipe the tear away, but she pulled away the moment his hand touched her skin.

“I’m cheating on you, Bucky! I know it’s wrong but goddamn, I did it!” y/n sobbed, getting up from the bed and beginning to create a larger distance between her and Bucky. The moment the words left her lips, his world crashed and burned.

“What—” Bucky choked out, his breath caught in his throat. It was like the walls were closing in on him as it felt as though his heart was ripped out from his chest as his chest felt hollow.

“I’m sorry it’s just—” y/n sobbed, scrambling to find the right words to explain everything to Bucky and to comfort him.

“Why?” was all Bucky could say. What was he supposed to say? Hell, what was the best thing to tell the love of your life after they tell you they cheated?

“Look, you were always so fucking busy with the Avengers and I—”

“We both know that’s bullshit, y/n. You’ve been avoiding me! Every time I try talking to you, it’s like you’re not even there!” Bucky exclaimed, his breathing ragged as he looked up at her in disbelief.

“But it’s true! You were always fucking busy and the moment your schedule cleared up, I got promoted. I started seeing you less and less and I—I liked the attention he was giving me,” y/n admitted softly, unable to look Bucky in his bloodshot eyes.

“So, this is what it’s all about? Attention? If you wanted attention you wouldn’t have avoided me!” Bucky’s sobs shook his body and y/n wanted to tell him everything was going to be okay, but how the hell would she?

“I started avoiding you the first time it happened, Bucky. I couldn’t stand to be in the same room with you after what I did; after what I was still doing!” y/n sobbed, dropping to her knees.

“I’m sorry, y/n, but I have to go,” Bucky shook his head before walking out the room, his head hanging lowly as he slammed the door behind him.

y/n sat on the ground, her head in her hands knowing she’d fucked up. She fucked up big time. Their whole exchange left her in confusion. Was it over between them? As much as she wanted to believe it was, there was a little part of her brain telling her there was hope between them. That there was hope for their relationship.

She knew he needed his time to process the information, but what was going to happen after then? Was he going to avoid her when he got his thoughts together? Would he smite her where she stood? Would he cry? God, the image of Bucky’s red eyes burned into y/n’s brain and she knew she never wanted to see him that way again.

She knew she needed to make it up to him. Not to get back together with him, but at least to give him closure.

For days, she stayed in the room wearing his red Henley, wallowing in her shame. She didn’t know what she had to do to make it up to Bucky.

She was the one who fucked up. That’s why it shocked her when he walked into the room, his blue eyes piercing into hers.

“Are you here to take your stuff? I can leave the room if you want,” y/n slurred, smiling weakly at Bucky. His brows furrowed before he made his way towards y/n, leaving her confused as he wrapped his arms around her shaking figure slowly.

“No, doll, I’m not here to come get my stuff. I’m here for you,” Bucky whispered, placing a kiss on y/n’s temple.

“Really? I’m sorry, baby, I really am. I understand if you want me to leave now, but I’m sorry,” y/n sobbed into his chest as he was still eerily quiet.

“I’m not leaving you, y/n. Yeah, you fucked up, but we both made mistakes in the relationship. I’m sorry, doll. I love you,” Bucky whispered sweetly, pulling y/n closer.

“I don’t deserve you,” y/n chuckled softly, placing a soft kiss to his lips, clinging to him as though her life depended on it.


End file.
